


I'm in Overdrive

by bay_sik



Series: Just Hold Me Tight [2]
Category: HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band), Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, a peek at Adult Activities, others are supportive of those Emotions, slight angst, taehyun has Emotions, this one is V gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:37:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bay_sik/pseuds/bay_sik
Summary: Kenta and Sanggyun's new unit name is revealed. Taehyun has a reaction.





	I'm in Overdrive

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Me again with a JBJ fic. This is a continuation that I didn't actually think was going to happen, but Joyful 1018 left a comment on Open the Door and wanted to know what Taehyun and Sanggyun get up to in bed. So. This was born. Title is taken from HotShot's 'Jelly'. Enjoy, joyfuls :)

The news breaks.

  
Well, it's not really news. It's a confirmation, really. Big and bright and as obvious as the cheesiness in Kenta's constant Instagram updates. It's something that Taehyun has been waiting for them to release, holding his breath until there's a  notification on a groupchat that it's been posted. That's it's alive and wild and it can never be put back in it's cage.

Taehyun finds it, sans help from chats or texts. He's scrolling through his sparse account when he gets the notification that Kenta's story is updated. And he knows what'll be before he taps it open. Knows that it won't be shameless promoting of his drama, or a screenshot of his last conversation with Donghan, or a post about how much he's forgotten Japanese.

It's there: big and bright and obvious.

JBJ95. 

Taehyun feels his gut churn. He wants to pick a single thing to feel, but he's too mixed up to settle on any one thing to focus on. Because he's happy. He really, truly is. He was their _leader_  for Christssake. He saw them nearly burst with excitement every time he or the others started having things line up after the contract negotiations dried up. They cheered for Donghan's solo and Youngguk's MCing gigs and even flooded his own inbox with messages when Hojung was gearing up for comebacks with U.N.B. But Taehyun _knows_  that under the hype team that they made themselves out to be, Sanggyun and Kenta were terrified. Hopeful, but terrified. Waiting for their own managers to email them with huge news that their companies were going to spring for a solo ep, had got them a drama ost, or a fucking spot as a gagman on a late-night variety show.

Anything.

Taehyun knows, because he's been there. Because he _was_  there.

So he's happy for them. If anyone in the group could handle being in a duo without throttling each other, it would be those two.

But happy is taking a backseat for the split second that he actually sees the update that confirms it.

For just a moment, maybe even half of a moment, he's jealous.

Taehyun knows he shouldn't be. That's another thing he _knows_ , that he's _painfully_  aware of. They were so supportive and happy for him, for the others, and he feels like a brat for wanting to yell and maybe punch something. Punch someone. Punch that YG rep that kept shaking her head at the contract renewal meetings. Or the other companies for taking 'no' for an answer.

Or maybe Sanggyun, for abandoning him.

(Then he wants to punch himself for thinking that at all.)

Taehyun drops his phone onto his pillow and rolls away, pulling his fingers roughly through his hair. He stares at the ceiling. The jealousy subsides, but he still feels hurt. A small, secret hurt. Like a papercut under his skin. He hopes it's just as visible. He'd rather die than have Moonbyuk or San know that he's pouting about not being in another group that isn't the one they're all trying their hardest to keep relevant, to patch together.

Speaking of his fabulous and very much _alive_ group, Junhyuk comes into the room, towling his hair off from a shower. He's grinning at Taehyun (which makes him feel guilty. Again).

"Hey, heard about the news," he says. And Taehyun wants to ask _how?_  but Moonbyuk is an Instagram hoe and probably blabbed in one of the group chats that Taehyun's had muted all day. "You okay?"

Taehyun goes back to staring at the ceiling. Because they're about to have one of Those talks. A leader-to-past-leader talk that makes Taehyun feel kind of special and kind of like a dick. They make Taehyun feel a lot closer to Junhyuk, which he appreciates, because he'd always struggled with connecting with the other guys that weren't Sungwoon. But it also feels like he's walking on eggshells, careful not to offend Junhyuk or make him feel like shit about how HotShot was Before everything started falling into place around them. It's the one dance that he hates.

"Yeah," Taehyun eventually says. "I'm happy for them."

Junhyuk makes a sound that draws Taehyun's eyes away from a crack in the plaster. Junhyuk is trying not to laugh at him, which makes Taehyun want to punch someone much closer to him, someone tall with a stupidly-perfect jawline.

"What?" he snaps.

"Just you," Junhyuk sings, throwing himself down on the other bed. He digs his phone out from a fold in his blanket, unbothered. "You look just like how I felt when Sungwoon's name was called." He flicks some water out of his ear.  "Hojung, too," he adds quickly, like Taehyun would think he's a bad dad or something for forgetting one of his kids.

Taehyun sighs. He's learned his lesson about thinking too much of himself, and just levels with Junhyuk.

Leader to leader.

"It's not even the name, either," he starts. "They asked us. Repeatedly. Annoyingly. It was fine."

"The _i_ _dea_  probably seemed fine," Junhyuk helpfully supplies.

Taehyun bites back the snippy response that he can already feel forming on his tongue. He feels like a goddamned teenager, spilling his guts to a cool older brother or something. Whatever, he only has a sister. 

"That was _us_ ," he says, slowly. "All of us. And...I get they don't have this." He doesn't elaborate, but Junhyuk makes a grunting noise that lets Taehyun know that he understands. Kenta and Sanggyun don't have a group that's just waiting for January to roll around before they can mount a comeback at full force. They don't have excited CEOs signing a lease on a new practice room and talking about moving to a new dorm after they get a comeback or two under their belts.

"But they had us," he continues. "And JBJ _was_  us, and now it seems..."

"Over?"

Taehyun swallows, and the understanding of his inner cluster-fuck of emotions rages in his chest for a moment.

"Yeah," he says. His voice cracks--it fucking _c_ _racks_. "It's over."

Junhyuk doesn't fall asleep right away, and Taehyun knows he could talk to him more, but he gets the inkling that it isn't Junhyuk he should be finishing this conversation with.

"Thanks hyung. For listening."

He waits a moment, already mapping out where he threw his wallet when he came back from freestyling with Moonbyuk.

"Am I gonna see when I leave for my run in the morning?" Junhyuk says suddenly, startling Taehyun.

"What?"

"Just wondering if I need to buy two or three extra coffees on my way back." Junhyuk hums, almost a snore. "Don't wait too late to sneak out, there won't be any cabs."

Taehyun rolls his eyes, annoyed. Over the last year when it became clear that they weren't going to disband and scatter to other companies, Junhyuk started taking this all-knowing-leader shit _way_ too seriously. Taehyun will never doubt that observation can be a learned skill.

"Go to sleep, hyung," he spits.

 

* * *

  

  
The cab drops him off in a nice part of Seoul. Quiet and residential enough that he's the only guy getting let off in a taxi, slipping into the trickle of people heading home in the night. It doesn't look that different from the area of HotShot dorm, or from JBJ's old dorm. The unfamiliar _familiarity_  of it all makes his skin itch.

He's in the elevator of Kenta and Sanggyun's building before he realizes that he left his phone behind; that he didn't even bother to text to make sure Sanggyun was home and not at a gig or jetting off to a foreign country to surprise another one of their friends. Stupid.

Taehyun leans his head against the door, trying not to groan out loud. He can't even chicken out and head back home. No way he can get a taxi at this hour without ordering it with the phone he doesn't have.

His doubts are already eating away at his skull. Taxi or no taxi, he should get back. Regroup. Actually, an hour-long walk might be refreshing; maybe he could clear his head, organize his thoughts.

Taehyun nearly pitches forward when the door swings open. He cartwheels his arms to stay upright. Kenta's uneven smile is staring back at him when he finally rightens himself.

"Hyung~" he trills. Taehyun is torn, for the second time tonight, between feelings (embarrassment and adoration).

"Hey, Kenta," he says in his terrible Japanese, dragging the other man in for a hug.

Kenta wraps his boney arms around Taehyun eagerly, using the embrace to drag Taehyun over the threshold and into the apartment.

"How'd you even know I was here, stalker?" Taehyun laughs, pulling away.

Kenta snorts. "Stalker? You sure you aren't talking about yourself, Mister Showing Up out of Nowhere?" He spares Taehyun some embarrassment by answering: "Your leader sent me a text, said you left without your phone." And then he adds more mortification to the pot by adding: "Plus, I don't think you realize just how loudly you thunked your head on our door. Might've woken up the neighbors."

Taehyun grits his teeth, and decides to not comment on that.

"Congratulations," Taehyun says, as if he can explain his showing up on their doorstep at midnight so easily. Kenta, God bless him, takes it in stride. "Saw your story."

"I know," Kenta says, rolling his eyes in a way that would have Taehyun fuming if it were anyone else. "I can't believe it's finally happening."

Taehyun feels his smile get a little tight, and he clears his throat, looking around the apartment. He hasn't been by in a week or so, and they've added a potted plant by the window. A hoodie that looks suspiciously like it belongs to Hyunbin is draped over the couch. 

It looks like a downsized version of the old dorms, which is a little comforting even though it seems like it's mutating, taking on a seperate life of its own.

"He's in his room," Kenta says, making Taehyun whip his head around, eyes wide.

"What? I--"

Kenta raises his hand to quiet Taehyun, which irks the part of him that remembers very clearly what it was like being the other man's leader, but he pips down anyway.

"Hyung. He lives with me. He's my closest friend. He told me." Kenta's eyes are wide and understanding.

Taehyun melts a little, a stream of relief coming through his system that he didn't expect. Kenta is so much of the boyish charming concept even away from the public that it can be hard to see the fierce, organic friend he is under that persistent outer layer of dedicated idol.

"I just...thank you," he says. He adds an awkward bow, as if to say _thank you_ (again) and _sorry_ and a third thing he's sure he means but can't put into words at the moment.

"Just don't be too loud," Kenta says. "If I don't get any sleep before my meeting tomorrow, I'm going to castrate you both."

Taehyun smacks him, hard, as he moves passed him to go to Sanggyun's closed door.

 

* * *

 

  
A Sanggyun-shaped lump on the bed shifts when the door clicks back into place. It stills; Taehyun approaches it cautiously.

The bed creaks just a little as Taehyun sits, and it creaks again when he shifts to lie down. He wastes no time curling around the curves of Sanggyun's body, the sheets still between them.

"Ken--?" Sanggyun is halfway through the question before he shifts again. A strange sort of satisfaction--the newest emotion of the night--rolls through Taehyun when something, maybe his shape, maybe his smell, makes Sanggyun hum in understanding.

"Hyung," he says, sounding more awake.

"Hi." Taehyun's voice is a little muffled against the pillow.

"It's late," Sanggyun states the obvious. "Whatcha doing here?"

Taehyun means to sound confident and maybe sexy, because he's sliding into bed with his Significant Whatever-He-Is and Sanggyun can't see him, but he can't. Everything kind of bubbles up in his throat from the past hour, the past day, the past _month_  where everything was fine and good and then decided to change on him.

He sniffs, loud and a little wet, and Sanggyun almost tangles himself in his sheets to turn around.

"Hyung?" He sounds panicky, his breath smells like his toothpaste.

"I came to congratulate you," Taehyun forces out, because it's the truth.

Sanggyun's fingers are gentle, prodding the edge of Taehyun's jaw before they smooth over his chin, stroke up his cheek. Taehyun shudders against the touch, fighting back tears.

"I'd rather you shoot me a KakaoTalk than this," Sanggyun says, chidding.

Taehyun chokes on a wet laugh. Of course Sanggyun can joke, make him feel the slightest bit better with everything that's going through his head.

"Shut up," Taehyun says, turning to press his face into the pillow. Sanggyun's fingers are trapped under his skin for only a moment before he wiggles them out; he starts stroking the opposite cheekbone, outlining the curve of Taehyun's ear.

Sanggyun is quiet, maybe for the first time ever. God, what he wouldn't have given for this in the green rooms at music  
shows. Taehyun's more rational line of thought knows that the silence is a patient, pregnant one. One that he has to fill.

"The name is new," he says, weakly, mumbled, but audible.

Sanggyun hums. "Not to you."

Taehyun grunts. "No," he admits. "But it's...different. Different than I thought it would feel."

"How do you feel?" Sanggyun prods. Taehyun _feels_  like he should be on a therapist's couch, with all the _f_ _eelings_  that his body has processed and purged onto the people around him in the past hour alone.

"Like crap," he says honestly. That makes Sanggyun laugh, so Taehyun gets a little braver. "It feels like JBJ isn't us anymore."

"It's not." Sanggyun's voice seems louder in the dark. "JBJ is...JBJ _i_ _sn't_  anymore."

Taehyun feels his throat click. Tears do fall this time, hot down his cheeks, soaking into the pillowcase. It seems like something that he, the leader, should be able to face, to handle. Having Sanggyun be the one to say it outloud seems wrong and twisted in a way that Taehyun can't even describe.

"Then what _are_  we?"

Sanggyun makes a _tsk_ ing noise, and Taehyun feels a light smack on his face that was just enjoying a nice rub-down. He yelps, instinctive.

"Hyung, don't be stupid." His voice is softer the next second. "And don't cry."

Taehyun hopes that it's Sanggyun's turn to fill the silence that follows.

(It is.)

"We'll always be here, hyung. Even if our group isn't. JBJ brought us together...but it shouldn't be the only thing that _keeps_ us together."

Something bitter and ugly jumps out of Taehyun. "It's keeping you and Kenta together."

Sanggyun laughs, sharp. "I'll pretend you didn't just say that."

Taehyun shuffles a little closer to the other man as an apology. Sanggyun's fingers go back to fiddling with Taehyun's skin and threading through his hair.

"This is more special, hyung, don't you get it?" The darkness is messing with Taehyun's perception, making Sanggyun's voice sound mystic and lyrical, like he's reciting old Joseon poetry. "Now we're together because we _want_  to be together. With Kenta and me, we still get to make music. With Donghannie and Youngguk, we support their concerts. With Hyunbinnie, we buy him meals and draw on his department store ads.

"Not because of some contract or schedule. Because we love each other."

Taehyun nods, and breathes deeply, another river of relief that he didn't intend to feel flowing down his back, putting out the fires that have been burning at the edges of his mind.

"And...us?"

Sanggyun's chest shudders with laughter, and Taehyun doesn't have time to react before he's being moved to his back. The shoddy little lamp on the bedside table flicks on, not illuminating much beyond Sanggyun and the edge of the bed. Taehyun holds his breath as Sanggyun settles across Taehyun's hips. His hands go to Sanggyun's waist on an instinct.

"Don't tell me you're going to question this thing we have at every turn. _Us_?" Sanggyun repeats. It's the first time that Taehyun can see him smile, see the spread of his handsome face. "That's the best part, hyung. When I have schedules with Kenta, you can support me." Taehyun tries not to go cross-eyed as Sanggyun pulls his shirt off.

"When HotShot comes back to take the world by storm--" Sanggyun flicks Taehyun's forehead for snorting and interrupting his speech--"I can cheer for you. When I'm tired from writing lyrics, I can call you and complain. When you're sore from dance practice, I can help you rest."

Taehyun is nodding, trying to ignore the twist of Sanggyun's hips and the still-drying tear trails on his own cheeks. How is Sanggyun real? Literally. He might have to bring it up with Junhyuk or Baekho or someone equally as smart.

(Or maybe he won't. Maybe he shouldn't question good things, excellent things. Things like this crazy, amazing man that's kissing down his neck, working his pants open and off.)

"We chose each other," Taehyun says, a few minutes later. Their clothes are littered on the floor, and Sanggyun is still on top of him, kissing him, gasping as he gets himself ready. "The others. You, me."

The words fall perfectly into order in his head, the explanation easy in the way the emotions that led to it weren't. It won't be over. Not because of some prudes from their companies, not because of some contract or fine print they were too lazy to read. It'll never be over if they simply don't _let_ it be.

Sanggyun nods, his hair sweeping into his face. "You going to keep choosing me?"

It's probably something that he means as a joke, something cocky or coy because Sanggyun loves pressing buttons, feeling out for reactions, even now.

Taehyun isn't joking when he says: "I'll always choose you."

It makes Sanggyun pause, just for a moment. It gives Taehyun the chance to drag Sanggyun onto him, makes them both wail at the sensation.

They both shut up for a while.

 

* * *

 

For Sanggyun, 'a while' translates into roughly four and a half minutes.

"Hyung," he says, leaning back in a way that nearly makes Taehyun bite his tongue in half. "Is this _actually_  how you were going to congratulate me on the new group name?"

Taehyun rolls them over and does his best to shut Sanggyun up again.

(The sounds of Sanggyun laughing and moaning still persist, but Taehyun will take what he can get.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this so fast, all at once, so I hope it seems coherent. Thank you for reading, leaving comments and kudos! Comments are Cool guys, this fic was made because of one :')


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